Penalty

Youngest: Grandma

Grandma: Yes baby?

Youngest: New Penalty!

Grandma: O_O... What do you mean?

Youngest: If anyone passes gas they have to go into the penalty box for one minute!

What the hell kind of games does they lady play with my kids?

The Lil'est Rapper

Son: Daddy!

Me: Yes Son?

Son: Lil Wayne is the smallest singer ever.

Me: He is?

Son: Yes. That's why he has Lil in his name. Lil means small.

Me: That is correct.

Son: So he is the Lil'est singer ever.

I got nothing on this one. Its just random.

One Dollar

Youngest: Daddy.

Me: Yes.

Youngest: Open this for me.

Me: You can open it yourself. Just pull the sides apart.

Youngest: But I don't want to do it.

Me: Well I'm not doing it anymore then.

Youngest: I'll give you a dollar.

Me: Then bring me a dollar.

Youngest: O_O! (In whisper tones) Mommy! Give me a dollar!

My kids my be spoiled. They may be mama's boys. But they are not slow. Got answers for every situation. Like they have response strategy meetings before bedtime.

Movie Commercial

Oldest: Daddy.

Me: Yes son.

Oldest: What is that movie Pick'up Room?

Me: O_o That is Pacific Rim.

Guess we will be doing more reading time this summer.

Rick Ross

Son: My favorite singers are Usher, Rick Ross, Trey Songz, Ludachris and David "inaudible".

Me: Who?

Son: David "inaudible"

Me: Do you mean David Banner?

Son: Huff! No daddy! You don't even know.

Me: O_O

Did.... Did I just get old at that exact moment? Cause I felt like I the "Shut up old man!" From my son.

Socks

Son: Daddy!

Me: Yes?

Son: Where are my socks?

Me: O_O They are in your hand.

Son: Oh.

Me: How did you not know your socks were in your hand?

Son: ...  Daddy? You can only watch ice hockey game on the Internet if they aren't on TV right?

Me: !?!?!? o_O

He will be a great lawyer some day. Can change the subject like he is a Jedi.

Shower Time

Me: You done with the shower?

Youngest: Yes!

Me: You washed your underarms?

Youngest: Yes!

Me: You washed all the soap off of you?

Youngest: ... Ummm. Hold on!

Why do they think not washing soap off of you is okay? That's like half a shower.

Bird Man

Oldest: How many points did the Heat get?

Me: 99. The are going to the Finals to play the Spurs.

Oldest: Dewayne went left and scored the ball. He impressed LeBron.

Me: I guess so.

Oldest: The one with the Mohawk has too many tattoos.

Me: Pretty much son.

There may be some hope after all.

Where is my iPod

Son: Daddy.

Me: Yes?

Son: Where is my iPod?

Me: I just found it for you.

Son: Yeah but I put it down and its gone.

Me: If you lost it why should I know where it is?

Son: Cause your daddy.

I really have to go over my job description again. Last I checked omnipresence wasn't in any of the small print.